My original plan was to write an interesting and informative review about the latest ‘horror’ film to be released in UK cinemas, You’re Next, which was released on Wednesday, August 28th. Over the course the past two days, while I’ve been thinking about what to say in the review, I found myself becoming progressively more annoyed at the disappointing standard of ‘horror’ found within this release and, here you have it, the review is now a ranty, blog post.

Now I’ve read an awful lot of reviews for this film, as has my friend who I went to watch it with, and we were both fairly confident that we were in for some horror delights. I don’t know whether we wandered into the wrong cinema screen, but we definitely didn’t get anything close to delight in this film…

The premise of the production is that a large family get together at their country home to celebrate the wedding anniversary of their parents; all the kids flock home and bring with them their new partners to shamefully boast about in between bickering with each other. Shortly after this begins, these people in plastic animal masks start killing them only to find that they are no match for Erin (Sharni Vinson), the protagonist of this film, who quickly begins to beat them at their own game. 

There you go, that’s the film.

Please, don’t think I’m downplaying it, because I’m actually not - bar revealing the only exciting twist (that my friend and I had guessed at before it was actually revealed) there is nothing that I have missed out in that synopsis. 

It’s a basic home invasion film, which the cinema hasn’t exactly been short of it in recent months anyway, that is being praised by nearly everyone who sees it and I just can’t fathom why. I’ll give the scriptwriters a bonus point for managing to incorporate the odd bit of humour into the production that is strategically positioned in between the dramatised bloody splatters, of which there are plenty, but other than that there is nothing ground-breaking about this film. Even the basic storyline of it seems recycled to me, which is probably why it was so easy to guess where this was all going a good half an hour before it happened. 

I’ll give another bonus point to Sharni Vinson, because she is a hell of a character in this! Such a good character, in fact, that I’d go as far to say her performance is wasted in this feature. Her insane survival skills are no match for the stupidity of everyone else in the film, including the supposedly expert killers who just seem to be mindless imbeciles that someone gave a bag of weapons to. 

Overall, it’s just weak. Even the death scenes aren’t anything worth raving about! Some of the them, okay, I’ll give a point to for creativity, but generally speaking they’re all so overdone to such an extent that they actually become comedic, which would be fine if this film was being marketed as a black comedy (is it? I haven’t read anything along those lines) but as far as horror goes, all characters and their demises are just too cardboard for you to believe that there’s anything bad happening here and truthfully, when you’re watching someone have their throat cut, you should feel uncomfortable, not bored.

On a positive note, I was relieved/impressed at the correct use of an apostrophe in the title, so they can have a point for that too.

Many people out there are loving this film, so if you feel inclined to ignore my sugar-coated words of warning (believe me, this could have been a lot harsher) then please, indulge yourselves. I didn’t like it, nor did my friend, or the handful of other people who actually bothered to turn up to watch the first showing of this film on Wednesday night (perhaps the people around my area just knew it wouldn’t be worth the money that a cinema ticket costs?). To sum up, it’s a below par horror film that is littered with graphic violence in an attempt to compensate for the general lack of a storyline, and you are much better off trying to catch a viewing of The Conjuring (or failing that, anything else that’s playing in your cinema at the minute!) than you are viewing this. 


C x

Okay, I’m doing it; I’m jumping on the ‘Ben Affleck is Batman’ bandwagon. I’m not going to throw a total tantrum over it, not even a little tantrum, in fact. The memes are hilarious and I must admit that I’m enjoying seeing so many people have panic attacks about this news (sadistic as that makes me sound), but I’m actually quietly optimistic that this will be a good casting decision. Besides, even if it turns out to be a catastrophic mistake on the part of casting, it will at least make for something amusing to watch, should things go badly.

I’ll hold my hands up and admit that the only Ben Affleck film that I can really remember watching is Daredevil (I suspect you’re all rolling your eyes at the computer screen at the very mention of the film). Alright, it wasn’t brilliant, but it’s not like it was the worst film that’s been made in the history of cinema. Was it? And, if I’m not mistaken, apparently Affleck has more than redeemed himself of that cinematic faux pas in recent productions, namely Argo, which was an outstanding film (or so I’m told by people who saw it). 

If I have any reservations about this casting decision at all it’s this: I simply can’t imagine Ben Affleck with the general arrogance and mystery of Batman/Bruce. I just can’t. Although, having said that, I believe there was a time, pre-Bale, when Batman himself wasn’t half as arrogant as he has become in recent films. The problem with casting anyone as a famous superhero type is that people will always criticise the actor (because there‘s always someone better, in everyone else‘s opinion), before the film has even been made, for not being able to ‘be’ the character properly. I can’t help but wonder if Affleck was the first Batman (and Daredevil hadn’t been made), would everyone be upchucking about this news to the same extent?

I would like the record to reflect that, should Affleck prove himself to be an epic failure when it comes to filling the boots of Batman, I will be the first person (actually, I probably won’t be the first, but I’ll be in first one hundred people, hopefully) to tear  him a new one for it. Ultimately, I will reserve judgement until this now-controversial film is released, and I’ll be quietly optimistic that the new Batman will be able to prove people wrong when this film finally arrives. 

C x

I’ve just wasted six minutes and thirteen seconds of my life watching the new One Direction music video for their track, ‘Best Song Ever’. Now my ears have stopped bleeding, I’ll have a little rant about it here…

At the risk of offending the One Direction-ers, or whatever the horde of young girls that follow these chaps wherever they go call themselves these days… how on earth have they become so popular? Credit where credit is due, they’re only doing what hundreds of young and conventionally attractive men (with access to auto-tune systems) have done for many years before them. They are far from being the first boy band that has driven the young girls of several nations crazy, and I’m sure that they are far from being the last lot who will cause this kind of craze, but it just seems so exaggerated with them and for the life of me, I can’t fathom why.

To me, they’re a group of teenagers who have the right faces for the industry and because of that, their voices have been designed to fit in. 

They’ve also got lucky in the sense that most boy bands have died off by now, metaphorically speaking (unfortunately). They usually have one or two acceptable singles in them and then somewhere along the line they lose their ability to blag their way through concerts and albums and they are no longer the Gods young women everywhere worship them as. So why has the 1D phase gone on for so long, and should I be preparing myself for this to go on much longer?

Personally, I’d rather than spend my time listening to wild cats tear strips off of each other than have to sit through a song from this band (if you’ve never heard a cat fight - Youtube that, it is nasty!) - but hey! That’s just me and my ridiculous taste in music that prevents me from listening to people who write most of their songs (I’m being generous here with the insinuation that they do any writing at all) while they’re hyped up on sugary drinks and complimentary sweets, in between drawing attention to themselves by shagging around with anything that can’t shake them off.

On a more serious note…

I get it. I really do. You’re young, your hormones are all the over place, you can barely think straight right now so it’s okay that you like these guys, because you don’t know any better. I’ll forgive you.

Them? With their repetitive lyrics and general inability to write anything, let alone something that sounds original, while they’re busy NOT playing instruments. I just can’t forgive or condone such disgusting behaviour. 

C x