I watch The X Factor. Mostly under duress, might I add, but I do most definitely watch it. I’m one of those grumpy people who believe that Simon Cowell’s curt tones and offensive outbursts in the face of a terrible singer actually make the series an altogether better viewing experience, but during yesterday’s show Cowell quickly went from rude and amusing to irritating, unprofessional and, you all know I’m right, downright cringy. 

Given the series of unprofessional outbursts that appeared during his six-chair-challenge, I can only assume that some idiot got the big man’s coffee order wrong because we moved swiftly from one tantrum to the next until I was reaching for the television remote; although I hadn’t yet decided whether I would turn the programme off, or whether I would launch the remote control at his smug little face the next time he shrugged someone off the stage. 

On more than one occasion I’ve heard Cowell read the riot act to one artist or another who stepped out of line and became smug, rude, and arrogant. He’s always been quite the champion, in fact, for putting people back in their place when they so naturally rise above their station in the music industry. While on one level I appreciate that Cowell is the top of his game when it comes to making money from contemporary mainstream music sales, last night he rose well above his station himself and went from being the we-love-to-hate-you music mogul to being a bitter and angry old man who never mind bettering the show, he may have actually taken some steps towards making the whole thing considerably worse. (Bravo!)

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I found myself frantically p!ssed off by The X Factor yesterday. It was embarrassing to watch, Cowell left me and surely many other viewers cringing, and as for his chair-swapping antics with contestants who - regardless of their talent, because that’s a topic for another blog and another time - genuinely want the opportunity to work on this show, they merely found themselves pushed from pillar to post by the man who made it uncomfortably clear that some of them were only there because the audience demanded it, not because Cowell himself wanted it. 

Considering his heavy involvement with the show, including his eye-watering financial investments, all Cowell succeeded in doing in last night’s show was validating the already unsavoury opinions of those dislike the show, and tainting the optimistic opinions of those who think/thought it was okay to watch. 

So congratulations, Cowell, The X Factor has officially gone from bad to offensive. 

C x 

As I’m writing this, I’m hoping that four days after the finale of Broadchurch is a long enough time span to discuss it without ruining it for anyone who hasn’t yet watched the final instalment. If you haven’t watched it yet, it might be best to swerve this post until you have - just in case. 

The first season of Broadchurch was nothing short of bloody marvellous. I don’t think many people have disputed that. The second season, however, seems to have received one criticism after the next and, after a truly satisfying albeit appropriately frustrating finale, I think it’s about time I threw my opinion into the mixing pot - given that everyone else already has! 

There have been so many snide and smug comments made about factual inaccuracies appearing in this season. The Judge is wearing the wrong wig. The witnesses are in the courtroom. This is wrong. That’s outrageous. That just wouldn’t happen. 

Blah, blah, blah.

And, after reading these complaints intermittently throughout the past few weeks, my response is the same now as it was at the very beginning: So what?

Okay, okay, I’ll expand a little. I appreciate that for people who work in these settings in reality, as opposed to watching them in a televised and totally fictionalised courtroom drama, the factual inaccuracies must be mind-numbingly frustrating, and you must be itching to throw your remote at the television screen and just scream at that bloody Judge: ‘Put the right wig on, you dozy mare!’ I get that. I really do. Unfortunately, Broachchurch isn’t real life, these people aren’t real Judges and witnesses and whoever else may have sported some kind of factual inaccuracy. They are there for entertainment purposes, and generally speaking I think if you’re not entertained, your best course of action might be to change the channel rather than make an official complaint - although I suppose ultimately it depends on how much free time you have on your hands…

As a big reader of crime fiction, I can’t tell you the amount of times that I’ve read a note from the author apologising for any factual inaccuracies. Are televised equivalents not acceptable? And if so, why the bloody hell not?

Also, might I add, that these people who found grievance with this latest series should perhaps avoid watching things like CSI, because that is also occasionally ludicrous - wildly entertaining! But ludicrous nevertheless.

Throughout the two seasons of Broadchurch, we have totally been there with the characters. We have been shocked, and outraged, and when Joe was released from court on a not-guilty verdict my jaw dropped along with everyone else’s. Isn’t that enough? Isn’t that level of audience involvement a satisfying result from a televised programme? I don’t even remember the last time I felt so invested in fictionalised, televised characters prior to Broadchurch! 

And that’s why, when it comes to things like televised series, you need to take them for what they are: a source of entertainment. If you want cold, hard facts then go and watch a documentary, and leave the rest of us to watch Broadchurch (season three - thank you, ITV!) in peace. 

C x 

If you’re a writer currently looking for a publishing house to take on your manuscript, then you know how difficult this task can truly be. If you aren’t a writer, then count your blessings that you aren’t suffering under the demands of this mission. It’s a real challenge for new authors to find a publishing house that will represent them and their latest creation, so when I was approached by SilverWood Books about their latest venture to help upcoming writers, it definitely seemed like something worth sharing.

SilverWood Books has recently teamed up with Kobo Writing Life Berforts Information Press to launch an exciting new competition that will potentially open many doors for new authors.

The Open Day Writing Competition is welcoming unpublished (or self-published) works of fiction, written in the English language, from authors looking for an opportunity to get their manuscript published. Those hoping to enter the competition should supply a synopsis of their manuscript (no longer than 500 words) that details the basic plot of their book, alongside the first chapter (no longer than 5, 000 words). The deadline for the competition is December 31st 2014, and it’s completely free to enter. 

The most note-worthy aspect of this competition is, of course, what the winner stands to gain, and that is an e-book of their manuscript, produced by SilverWood Books and published by Kobo Writing Life, and a print edition of the book sponsored by Berforts Information Press. (It’s worth mentioning that the runner-up in the competition won’t go home empty-handed as they stand to win the new Kobo Aura H2O.)

The panel of judges, which includes the likes of Dr Sanjida O’Connell (writer and television presenter), Shayna Krishnasamy (bestselling Kobo author of literary fiction and YA novels), and Helen Hart (Publishing Director of SilverWood Books and author), are poised and ready for an influx of exciting submissions. So, for those interested in further details on the competition, you can find more information, and entry forms for your submission, on the SilverWood Books website, the Kobo Writing Life website, or by clicking here. 

There's nothing to lose, but potentially a lot to gain! 

C x 

Now, don’t get me wrong, The X Factor has always been sort of annoying. It pops up at the same time every year and completely takes over our television screens; chances are, even if you hate the show and avoid it like the plague, you probably still know something about the people who are featured on it. This year, however, there’s just something more annoying…

The judges are sniping more, which is childish and futile rather than entertaining; the rules are being bent more as the weeks go by in terms of what songs people are singing and exactly how they comply with these absurd themes that we see every week; and the judges aren’t even judging anymore.

It’s this last one in particular that inspired this blog. 

I’m just going to come out and say it: I don’t like Jay James. I don’t like his voice, his tone, and I don’t find him to be a particularly likeable character. I also highly resent the fact that he’s had a record deal previously and, for whatever reasons, the producers of the show have decided to not be open about that, leaving the world’s media to dig out the information for themselves. I do, however, have a lot of love for Paul Akister.

Can you see where I’m going with this?

Despite my dislike of Jay James, I don’t really understand how either of these lads came to be in the bottom two of last night’s show. What I really don’t understand is how Louis Walsh, the great-grandfather of X Factor, failed to make a JUDGEment and instead handed the decision over to the public voters. The further we get into this series, the more inclined I am to brand Walsh as the senile uncle of the show who either makes terrible decisions, or makes no decisions at all. Okay, Paul was voted out fair and square by the public, but that only seemed to happen because Louis, rather than saying ‘I think Jay was the better singer’ instead said, I can’t decide, so I’m taking it to deadlock, as if that’s a fallback option for the judges to rely on when they fail to do their jobs. Which, incidentally, is something they’re failing to do more frequently as this series goes on! 

I’ll miss Paul, I really will, and I’ll hold my hands up and admit that if Jay had been booted last night, I probably wouldn’t even be writing this post - so yes, it boils down to a little bit of favouritism. It also boils down to my, and everyone else’s, utter frustration at the fact that these so-called judges are being paid more than the average-Jo worker will earn in a year to sit on a panel and cast judgement on the contestants who sprawl themselves out in front of them. And it seems this year, the judges aren’t even equipped to do that right. 


C x 

This blog post is so unbelievably overdue that I can only apologise for taking this long to write it. The only possible explanation I can offer is that I was simply so outraged and utterly perplexed by the ridiculous decisions made on X Factor recently, that I needed time to properly digest things before I could write about them...

The Judges Houses episodes were shocking in a number of ways, and, perhaps ironically, I found myself making these faces much more than I thought I would:

In fact, I would go as far to say that the face displayed on the right is the exact expression I pulled when Blonde Electra - I swear they used to be called Blonde Electric? - were put through by the insane, and undoubtedly tone deaf, Louis Walsh. At some point during the X Factor series so far - there have been so many times when this could have happened that I’m struggling to pinpoint what the catalyst was exactly - I posted a tweet to the Mad Hatter Reviews Twitter account that said Louis Walsh shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions. And, it seems that I’m finding it much easier to stand by my words than the judges are this series, because I stand by that statement! 

Firstly, what’s with all the swapping and changing in those ridiculous chairs? You can’t swap out someone under sixteen, because it’s too emotionally taxing, but it’s completely okay to tell a twenty-six year old to stand up, and then sit down again, oh, no, wait… yep, stand up, you’re out.

Maybe next year we should entertain the idea of letting the audience pick the judges, and see who from that judging panel would actually get a chair; because - I’m just going to come out and say it - the only one out of the whole bunch that I can stand right now is Mel. I know, I know, I can’t quite believe that I’m saying it either, but the rest of them seem to have made such ridiculous decisions in the past week’s worth of episodes that I’m beginning to wonder - and yes, Simon is included in this - why three quarters of the judging panel are even there. 

I do have to admit that I absolutely love the articles floating around the internet right now that are accusing Cheryl Cole of being fattist because she only put through slim girls. Side note from me here though, irrespective of the size and shape of the girls she did or didn’t put through, she still didn’t put through the best singers - and that’s what annoys me most. 

And don’t even think about playing the ‘we’re looking for the whole package’ card, Chez, because I’m just not interested…

Admittedly, when I saw that Andrea, Jake, and Paul had made it though to the live shows, I was happy. Super happy, in fact. Like, this happy: 

Unfortunately, they’re probably the only contestants that I’m actually bothered about this year. I am massively concerned that Blonde Electra will be the annoying act of this series - that’s assuming that they aren’t already - although they do admittedly have some serious competition for that role when it comes to Chloe Jasmine. Chloe Jasmine who, for those of you who haven’t heard, has actually been on the show before, as a cow girl no less! Don’t worry, there’s evidence of the audition all over the internet right now - go, laugh, be merry.

Seriously, though, why is she in the live shows? She’s stunning, and she’s a model, and she has an interesting voice, that probably works wonders with jazz music. But what’s she going to sound like in disco week? Honestly, when it dawned on me that she was going through to the live shows while Emily, Kerrianne and Lola were being sent home, I was like: 

It’s unbelievable. Although, not really, because it is after all The X Factor and these are, after all, exactly the sorts of stunts that they pull absolutely every year that this show airs. The producers, the judges, even the contestants can’t help but lap up to the cameras, and maybe I shouldn’t even be criticising them for it because after all, I’m one of the many schmuks who actually sits down to watch this show. But damn it, I reserve the right to be outraged anyway! 

The live shows kick off this weekend - right? - and will hopefully bring with them the news of some exciting wild cards, although there are plenty of hopefully-true rumours floating around the internet about this already. So brace yourselves, X Factor-viewers, because things are undoubtedly about to get much more interesting/annoying/frustrating (delete as appropriate).


C x

There’s no two ways of saying it: I’m a massive bookworm, and damn it, I’m proud. So this morning, when scrolling through my Twitter feed for the latest news around the globe, I was overcome with the most bizarre mixture of excitement and disappointment that I have ever experienced in my life when greeted by the announcement of a project called the Future Library. Guardian Books brought the official report to me this morning, so if you want to read the full article on this, you can find it here.

However, if you’re happy with a clipped account of what the project is, and a boat load of excitement from me, then read on…

The Future Library Project is the latest project to be developed by award winning artist Katie Paterson. The aim of the project is simple: to produce a collection of literary works from popular writers over the next hundred years - enter my excitement - that won’t be made available to the reading public until 2114 - enter my disappointment! Over the next century, every year will see a new writer invited to contribute to this collection, with Margaret Atwood - insert girly, fan-girl squeal - providing the first piece of fiction that has been added to this amazing project. 

Oh, and alongside this amazing collection of work, there is the promise that it will in fact be made into a paperback print - none of that electronic nonsense - thanks to a forest of 1,000 trees that were planted earlier in the year, specifically in aid of this project. The plan, at present, seems to be that these trees will eventually provide the paper on which copies of the collection will be printed. 

Putting aside my utter disappointment that I won’t actually be around to read this collection, this project as a whole is definitely something to be excited over. If you’re a bookworm, at least; or, of course, if you’re a writer. 

Atwood, in the aforementioned Guardian article, has provided deep insight on how this will be for her, as a writer, who is constructing something that she will never receive feedback for. With the experience being described as both intimidating and freeing, it seems that it really is offering something fresh for everyone who is involved - even those involved from afar, plagued by intrigue and excitement at potentially some of our favourite authors producing works of fiction that we will never actually get to read. 

It’s essentially a literary time capsule that these artists are creating, and I think it’s absolutely bloody marvellous. 

Although I have to admit that what I would love, even more than being able to read these stories themselves, is being able to hear the thoughts of the people who will actually get to read them. I can’t even imagine what changes literature will have evolved through by the time this fiction goes to print - in fact, will print be completely extinct by then? Will it be all about the electronic word? Until, of course, this collection pops up in a 100 years or so. And, if that’s the case, will this reignite our love of the real, ink-on-paper, printed word? The possibilities are endless in terms of what will go into this collection, who will go into this collection, and how this will collection will eventually be received when it finally reaches its audience in 100 years… whoever that audience may be. 

C x

We wouldn’t be much of a news and reviews website if we didn’t at least acknowledge the return of ITV’s entertainment giant, The X Factor, which returned to television screens last Saturday. There’s been a massive amount of hype surrounding this series with a new judging panel, sort of, coming in to try and save the show from its steady decline in ratings. 

So, in case it escaped your attention, Simon Cowell is back; Cheryl Cole is back; and Mel B has joined. And, after only bothering to watch one of the two episodes that were aired last weekend, I’m pleased to report that the show is as annoying as ever…

And here is why:

Did you see these girls? Do you remember them strutting about like terrible, terrible Jessie J impersonators? Do you remember the judges all agreeing how annoying they are? Do you remember them being put through to the next round anyway? 

And that’s why I’m annoyed. 

Every single sodding year someone gets catapulted through this competition despite the fact that they are insanely, frustratingly, and undeniably annoying; and, without fail, they manage to crawl their way from one live show to the next with the judges asking how on earth they’re managing to do it, irrespective of the fact that the judges are responsible for them being in the live shows in the first place. 

Don’t pounce on me! I’m not saying that these two girls are those contestants for the year. They might not even make it through the next round of auditions, if Cheryl Cole has anything to do it with. However, you’ve got to admit that it was a poor start to the series to kick the auditions off with a group that the judges found ‘interesting’ and annoying. I mean, it’s hardly something you want on your album cover, is it? The interesting and annoying sisters from X Factor. I can think of catchier hooks… 

I’ve got Sunday night’s episode saved on my Sky+, and I’m building up the courage to watch it, because let's face it, we’d be a terrible website if we didn’t keep you updated on The X Factor - even if we are only moaning about it! However, given the mixed acts, opinions, and reactions to Saturday night’s opening episode, I can’t say that I’m entirely convinced this new judging panel is the answer to the show’s prayers.  

So, c’mon, I want opinions! What did you think of the opening episode? Get in touch with us and let us know! 

C x 

It’s the back end of summer and, as a result of that, our music section has become littered with Disney princesses churning out their last upbeat singles of the year while it’s still sunny enough to dance to them. Admittedly, their sunny, sing-a-long tracks have been... ah... interesting (?) over the course of the summer, but they’ve sort of left me hungry for something a little more substantial to listen to. Enter Fury, with their new album The Lightning Dream…

I need to add a disclaimer here that I’m not a massive metal head, and while I loved the likes of Iron Maiden when I was an angry teenager, I’ve sort of been out of the game for a while. I’m not a self-proclaimed music expert, or metal expert, but The Lightning Dream is an unexpectedly brilliant album, as far as I’m concerned. 

The release kicks off with a track titled Into The Dark, and at the 25-second mark of this opening song I thought: ‘Oh man, this is actually going to be good.’ If I sound sort of surprised then it’s because I am. I didn’t know anything about these guys three weeks ago, and it was only through a chance encounter at a beer festival that I even found out they exist. A friend assured me that they’re the heavy metal band in Worcester, but I honestly wasn’t expecting such a fine-tuned and professional sound when I first put their album on.

I never do track-by-track reviews of albums, but there are some serious highlights to this record that need to be mentioned here. The second track, Saviour, has introductory instrumentals that make you realise these guys actually know what they’re doing; the same can be said of Prince of Darkness, actually, which is just unbelievably slick in the opening seconds. 

The second half of the album is where things picked up for me with Out Beyond The Stars introducing a welcome change of pace (at the beginning of the track, at least); Britannia, which makes an appearance towards the end of the release, is probably my favourite track on the whole album though. It’s a perfect mixture of calm instrumentals with metal injected in the right places, accompanied by brilliant vocals, too - what more could you ask for? While the vocals on the rest of the album are of a high standard - although I can’t help but think their poor vocalist might need a good cup of tea to recover from it all - there is just something special about this track for me. 

Okay, so I’m not a massive metal-head-person - whatever the right name is! But, if a metal album (although my iTunes seems hell-bent on branding the album as ’indie rock’) can get a good review from someone who doesn’t even listen to the genre on a regular basis, then surely that’s a glowing review in itself. 

Fury are performing at Worcester Music Festival next week (they’ll be at The Marrs Bar on August 29th) before they head off on tour with Attica Rage, and you can find specific dates and venues for that tour (and check out more music from these guys) by accessing their official site here. 

C x 

Since this website got going about a year ago, we’ve found ourselves with many, many loyal readers who check in with us on a daily basis. With that in mind, we need as many writers as possible on board to keep articles coming in, and ultimately keep readers coming in… And that’s where you come in. 

Consider this our open call for writers! 

We’re looking for people to join our team as writers and reviewers, and hopefully commit to one or two articles a week. Unfortunately, these positions aren’t paid - I know, I know, boo, hiss, it’s terrible. But! What I can offer you in a writer’s position is brilliant music, the occasional book, experience writing for an online publication, and the chance to be a part of a growing, friendly, and enthusiastic team of small writers, hoping to become a much bigger team in the near future. 

The site is generating much more attention than I ever expected, so your work will reach a massive range of readers from all over the globe and it will be a brilliant start to your portfolio, for any budding, young journalists who might be reading this and wondering whether to apply. 

If you’re interested in writing a test article for us, or you have some questions about the position, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can reach us through our contact us form which is available on the website, or you can drop an email straight to madhatterreviews@outlook.com and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can. 

C x

This blog is usually littered with rants and emotional outpourings, so when a fellow writer friend asked me to take part in a blog tour of sorts, that would involve discussing the writing process, I wasn’t exactly sure whether it would fit in. Nevertheless, I’m going to give it a bash! So thank you to Dan Wyke for bringing me in on this blogging expedition, you can read Dan’s contribution to the blog tour by clicking here, and thank you to Dylan Spicer, another amazing writer who I’m lucky enough to know, for agreeing to carry the torch into next week (Dylan’s contribution will be uploaded to his blog, which you can access here).

The Writing Process

What are you working on?
Right now I’m focussing most of my time and attention on a potentially bizarre short story collection - which, I realise, warrants further explanation. I’m in the final stage of my Creative Writing MA, which involves producing a 25, 000 word document (20, 000 creative + 5, 000 critical) in a writing form of my choice. Writing short stories does feel like going against the grain for me, particularly given that when I started the degree I was predominantly interested in writing poetry; however, I now understand the importance of trying new things, so here we are…

The collection is based around gender stereotypes and how easy, amusing, and sometimes hard-hitting it can be when we subvert or manipulate them. I’m working with bizarre forms, and even more bizarre characters, so it’s proving to be quite an eye-opening experience. Ultimately the aim is to provide a collection of unconventional short stories that tell the same tales and have the same impact, and hopefully are as easy to read, as the conventional format that people anticipate finding when they pick up a short story collection. I suppose it’s somewhere between David Foster Wallace’s Brief Interviews with Hideous Men and aspects of Margaret Atwood’s Murder in the Dark… which will perhaps give you a deeper idea of how strange these stories are turning out.

How does your work differ from others of it genre?
I hate to potentially burst a big ol’ bubble here, but I’m not sure it does, really. The short story collection that I mentioned above differs drastically in that I’m writing short stories that don’t look like short stories, about women that people probably don’t want to read about because they make them quite uncomfortable. Putting it like that, I’m not sure it makes my writing different, as such, or whether it’s just doomed to only be read by those with a reasonably strong stomach.

Away from the collection, where I’m still writing poetry, I’m branching out from abstract and emotional nuggets of poetry and venturing into page-length performance pieces. It’s a relatively new area of exploration for me but these longer pieces, the pieces that I hope will one day be read aloud somewhere, aim to be truthful, relatable, sometimes uncomfortably accurate about humans (and our terrible decisions), but most of all funny. So ultimately, I love what I’m writing, but I’m not sure that my writing or myself are any more different than the next person trying to be a writer. 

Why do you write what you do?
Pff, that’s a question and a half. I write poetry because it has always come naturally to me. I’m not claiming that at the age of five I was knocking out the occasional sonnet and working out how I could manipulate the rhythm of a poem into a musical beat, or anything ridiculous like that. But I have always written poetry, and I have always wanted to write poetry. Thank goodness, I’ve developed slightly from the days of rhyming cat, sat, and mat, and presenting it to my mother with a gloriously smug smile plastered across my chops. Now I seem to rhyme words that you ordinarily wouldn’t, before I present it to anyone who is willing to read it with an embarrassingly self-conscious smile plastered across my chops instead. Other than that, I don’t suppose much has changed in terms of why I write, or indeed why I specifically write poetry. It’s because I feel like I have to. It’s an embarrassing cliché to present this idea that people are plagued by this need to write, and I hate that cliché immensely, even though I spend a lot of my time feeling like I conform to it. Poetry is a natural thing for me, and it is often a need, to the point that there are days when I’m thinking in rhyme and I think ‘I should probably write that down’, although that is in part for fear that I’ll turn into some kind of Dr. Seuss character if I don’t. 

Away from the poetry, the reason is quite different. The reason why I write other things is because I’m a young writer who has been published in nine poetry collections, but has little experience in the world of prose writing. Things such as the short story collection are for a much more deliberate and calculated reason: it’s because I don’t want to be pigeon-holed into writing one genre for the rest of my life. Much as I adore poetry, both reading and writing it, I don’t want to only be a poet. Also, there are certain things and ideas that I want to try that don’t lend themselves particularly well to poetry, which is another reason behind me trying different forms so frequently. 

Looking back on the question for this section, I’m still not sure I’ve even answered it. Maybe the simple and romanticised answer for this question should be: because I’m looking for a style that sticks. Or something like that.

How does your writing process work?
If I’m completely honest, I don’t think I even know what my writing process is yet. Sometimes I stare at a screen wondering how the hell I ever convinced myself to try and be a writer, because there’s nothing for me to write; sometimes, I ditch a conversation halfway through because there’s half a poem in my head and I need to write it down before it runs. In terms of the short story collection I’m working on, I’ve been quite strict and regimented about sitting down and writing, whether I’m ‘in the mood’ or not. Typically I don’t give myself an amount of time to sit and write for, but what I often do is say ‘I’ll write x amount of words today’ and when I’ve hit that, then I’m finished. Unless there’s another five hundred words on the tip of my tongue in which case it always makes sense to carry on. 

I suppose if it’s a full project that I’m working on, then I treat it like I would any other writing assignment: I plan, I write, I revise, and I work really hard until it’s finished. If it’s anything else, or just something for me, then I usually wait until it’s ready - it’s another cliché, but my poems usually come out in their own sweet time. 

                                                                                                  ------------------------------------

I wish I had a gold star or something to give you for getting to the end of this. I feel like you really deserve one. Instead, I’ll just remind you to check out the next stop on this blog tour which will appear next week from Dylan, and I'll remind you that his blog is available here. And I’ll sincerely thank you for taking the time to read this post. 

C x